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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”

She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

“You’re a goblin,” she says, “I caught you and you owe me three wishes!”. So the goblin replies “OK, you caught me fair and square, what’s your first wish?”. The woman stops and thinks for a second, “I want a huge mansion to live in.”, goblins replies “OK, you’ve got it.”. Woman again thinks it over, “My second wish is a Mercedes.” “OK, you’ve got that too.” “My last wish is a million dollars!”. The goblin then says “OK, you’ve got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me.” “OK then, if that’s what it takes…”

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

“Tell me,” says the man, “how old are you?” “I’m 27″, she replies

“Fuck me”, says the man, “27 and you still believe in goblins”

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, “Put those on.”

The bride replies, “I can’t wear your trousers.”

He replies, “And don’t forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!”

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, “Try those on!”

He replies,”I can’t get into your knickers!”

“And you never bloody will if you don’t change your attitude.”

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth….still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says “But sir, its just a sperm bank!”, “I don’t care, open it now!!!” he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says “Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!”, she looks at him “BUT, they are sperm samples???” , “DO IT!”. So the nurse sucks it back. “That one there, drink that one as well.”, so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, “See honey - its not that hard.”

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got.

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window…

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

“Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor?

“Yes, checking for abnormalities.” she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!”

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Categories: Text
  1. TD
    May 22nd, 2010 at 02:50 | #1

    Awful, awful jokes…

  2. TD
    May 22nd, 2010 at 02:51 | #2

    Those jokes are fucking awful…

  3. ……………………
    May 22nd, 2010 at 04:57 | #3

    Urgh do you always hav to think about sex????? the answer is no!

  4. me!
    May 22nd, 2010 at 10:05 | #4

    yea they r all wierd nd all pretty much about sex

  5. foxheman
    May 22nd, 2010 at 11:00 | #5

    all sexist jokes ive herd them all before

  6. ana
    May 22nd, 2010 at 11:51 | #6

    HA! lol funny.

  7. meeeee
    May 22nd, 2010 at 13:09 | #7

    haha at these people. if you didnt think the jokes were funny u shudnt have read all 10 of them u fucking inbred pricks :D i guarantee the person who left the comment “all jokes dont have to be about sex” has never HAD sex. all the haters on these jokes are 40 year old virgins! :)

  8. Marzipan
    May 23rd, 2010 at 01:20 | #8

    Some were funny, others so-so :)
    Try to accept that everyone has a different sense of humour.

  9. TD
    May 23rd, 2010 at 22:09 | #9

    Or… these jokes are just really old and unfunny… which is what they are.

  10. Interpretation
    May 24th, 2010 at 02:08 | #10

    Although I mostly agree with you, I think you’re possibly being unfair, given all the time “meeeee” spends contemplating and committing perverse sexual acts with close relatives, he/she may very well have never heard these alleged jokes before.

  11. Castiel
    May 24th, 2010 at 11:41 | #11

    Like 2 of these made me chuckle… I was expecting so much more…

  12. katie
    May 29th, 2010 at 18:14 | #12

    i think they were pretty funny

  13. Jinny
    June 1st, 2010 at 09:28 | #13

    I heard these jokes when I was around 12. Sure some jokes are funny even after 13 years, but these aren’t those kinds of jokes, at least for me and apparently a few others. I prefer intelligent jokes that have nothing to do with sex, does that make me an inbred prick? Because I’m certainly no virgin ;)

  14. j
    June 5th, 2010 at 01:44 | #14

    not even a chuckle

  15. SATAN666
    June 14th, 2010 at 09:49 | #15

    50 bucks says this man or woman that made this is a virgin! XD

  16. none of your buisness
    June 20th, 2010 at 07:57 | #16

    your all roxis bum hairs and captain freckles becuz at anything u dont laugh at anything

  17. gang
    June 20th, 2010 at 07:59 | #17

    yes i agree none of your buisness you are right they are the pieces of corn on roxis bum hair

  18. none of your buisness
    June 20th, 2010 at 08:03 | #18

    ya nd they r chickens cuz they dnt try nd comment back

  19. yup its me Jenny!
    June 20th, 2010 at 08:05 | #19

    hahahahha I liked them :D

  20. poopoo
    June 20th, 2010 at 18:12 | #20

    Well I thought they were mostly quite funny….

  21. lizz:)
    June 30th, 2010 at 03:29 | #21

    the very last one was a lil funny, haha

  22. calif0rniaGurl
    July 31st, 2010 at 04:05 | #22

    all of them suck donkey boners, except for the last one a little :)

  23. lewis
    March 21st, 2011 at 08:50 | #23

    Fucking Diar.

  24. ruby
    May 13th, 2011 at 05:18 | #24

    ;L;L;L;L;L I quite liked these.

  25. rameen awan
    December 22nd, 2011 at 01:35 | #25

    the worstest jokes ever

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