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What NOT To Say To A Police Officer!

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1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. Is it true that guys become cops because they can’t work at McDonald’s ?

7. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. If you’d try the stuff I just had, you wouldn’t be so damn uptight.

9. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That’s how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says “Gee Son….Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?” You probably shouldn’t respond with,”Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

13. What? You need a license to drive?

14. Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!

15. Is your power a penis substitute?

16. Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.

17. Can you come back in 5 minutes? I’m in the middle of a telephone conversation.

18. Oops…I thought you were a prostitute.

19. Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don’t know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?

20. A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind.

21. I pay your salary!

22. Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?

23. Whoops, that’s the fake one… here ya go, this is the one.

24. Gee, that gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

25. Thanks Officer, that last cop only gave me a warning, too.

26. My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.

27. Hey, is that a 9mm ? That’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

28. Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I’m in?

29. You’re lucky this car needs a tune-up or you’d have never caught me.

30. In California we drive like that all the time, what’s the problem?

31. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

32. Aren’t there real crooks somewhere you should be catching?

33. Well, those two other guys didn’t stop for that school bus either.

34. Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut.

35. Just had to try out that new siren, didn’t you?

36. Do you have any idea who you’re talking to?

37. There’s no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.

38. What’s wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I’m not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol.

39. That uniform makes your ass look really big.

40. You don’t happen to have any beer in your car?

41. I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

42. So what if I was speeding? Whatcha gonna do about it Mr. Hotshot?

Cool (0) Fail (0) Funny (4) Gross (0) Sad (0) Stupid (0) WTF (0)

Categories: Lists
  1. HitsFromTheBong
    June 10th, 2010 at 19:56 | #1

    They are shit…….

  2. none of your beeswax
    June 11th, 2010 at 07:35 | #2

    they really suck dick..

  3. You
    June 11th, 2010 at 09:20 | #3

    Lol at number 21.
    its true too! o.O

  4. Anonymous
    June 11th, 2010 at 14:09 | #4

    While getting arrested you should start talking about either their girlfriend or wife and start talkin bout their status and i be sure the handcuffs will be on really tight

  5. Sarah
    June 12th, 2010 at 07:59 | #5

    Haha I like #23 :D

  6. Anonymous
    June 13th, 2010 at 16:02 | #6

    38 :D

  7. whasis?
    June 14th, 2010 at 21:15 | #7

    What’s the officer, problem?

  8. Anonymous
    June 22nd, 2010 at 07:49 | #8

    lol at #41 :D

  9. July 10th, 2010 at 17:53 | #9

    the first one about texas lol, that totaly would happen there!

  10. Anonymous
    July 12th, 2010 at 02:25 | #10

    9 and 25 are the same… but 39 made me lol :)

  11. Skater GuuurL
    July 15th, 2010 at 23:56 | #11

    lol funnyy

  12. asdfghjk
    August 6th, 2010 at 00:59 | #12

    i swear to drunk im not god! or another one……. sorry problem, is there an officer?

  13. jACK
    August 13th, 2010 at 18:47 | #13

    If a cop asks “Do you know what this badge means?!” It’s probably not a good idea to reply “That you get to beat up homeless people and minorities?”

  14. This Chick
    October 27th, 2010 at 08:58 | #14

    numberrr 20 <3 lmfaoo