30 things to do before you’re 30

April 18th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

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Here, we cut out the non-essential experiences and present the definitive list of 30 Things You Really, Really Should Do Before You’re 30.

Move out of your parents’ home Obvious, really. It’s even better if you manage to get on the property ladder.

Dye your hair/have an unwise haircut/shave your head Often as part of an unwise identification with a particular style of music, such as punk, goth or Nu-metal.

Women: purchase your first pair of Manolo Blahnik or Jimmy Choo shoes. Men: purchase, then dispose of, some deeply unsuitable footwear Cowboy boots, winkle pickers, brothel creepers …

Lose a fight After 30 you should be able to settle things amicably.

Attend a wedding/funeral of a contemporary Both important reminders of the fleeting nature of time.

Start writing a novel/film script/slim volume of deeply embarrassing poetry … which will haunt you from the bottom drawer.

Spend a night sleeping outside Whether it’s on a Greek beach, or in a London doorway after a particularly damaging night out.

Stay up for 48 hours Believe me, you will never be able to do this after you’ve turned 30.

Have your heart broken If this hasn’t happened by the time you’re 30, you’re clearly emotionally subnormal.

Kill an animal A bird, a fish, a terminally ill family pet.

Drive a sports car extremely fast while wearing sunglasses Get it out of your system before the grey hairs appear.

Lose a week’s wages in a casino.

Make your first million Wishful thinking, perhaps, but if you plan to be seriously rich, it’s good to start early.

Have a pregnancy scare An important part of the emotional maturing process.

Have a one-night stand.

Have an office romance.

Have sex somewhere peculiar Aeroplane lav, boss’s desk, pod on the London Eye, the central hall of Tate Modern …

Be naked in public Streaking, skinny-dipping or just simple forgetfulness.

Have, at the very least, a flirtation with a minor celebrity It’s important to be able to point at the television screen and say: “I’ve snogged him/her.” NB this does not apply to Blue Peter pets.

Take a “work-break” to find yourself … before succumbing to a life of soul-eroding wage slavery.

Have a quarter-life crisis Probably as a result of the above.

Do a McJob Something deeply menial but soul-improving.
Be so short of cash you have to sell something Record collection, family heirloom, kidney, sexual favours.

Work your way around Australia It takes a while, and you can’t get a permit to do casual work once you’re over 30. Other continents are also acceptable.

Grow out of cannabis Youthful experimentation is all very well, but a fuddled thirtysomething with a passion for Pink Floyd and a hunger for Frosties is just embarrassing.

Get arrested For a minor offence, obviously: something like disturbing the peace, which suggests you’re not a terminal conformist. At the very least, you should have been breathalysed.

Get a tattoo Absurd if you’re over 30.

Start your own dotcom … and see it fail. You’ll have a chance to bounce back into a proper job.

Drink yourself unconscious And wake up with only the haziest, shabbiest memories of the night before.

Have embarrassing photographs of you posted on a website by friends Possibly as a result of the above.

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  1. Amanda
    April 19th, 2010 at 13:56 | #1

    Stupidest shit ever. Kill an animal? Go kill yourself.

  2. pharmacy technician schools
    April 19th, 2010 at 15:57 | #2

    What a great resource!

  3. Pfft
    April 20th, 2010 at 04:20 | #3

    Caaalllmm dowwnn amanda animals kill animals,, AND WE, ARE ANIMALS! :)

  4. Anonymous
    April 20th, 2010 at 10:09 | #4

    Amanda, I took it more as when the time has come for a pet to go, be there. Or go fishing and cook it for dinner. Not go rip some poor creature apart for fun…

  5. Anonymous
    May 2nd, 2010 at 16:27 | #5

    whats wrong with a passion for pink floyd?

  6. Anonymous
    May 10th, 2010 at 09:52 | #6

    sociopaths kill animals…that item is a little disturbing

  7. Sarah
    May 12th, 2010 at 23:47 | #7

    Getting tattooed after 30 is absured? what rubbish. and that one about if you haven’t been heartbroken before 30 you’re emotionally subnormal is utter, utter crap.

  8. dnms
    June 30th, 2010 at 07:52 | #8

    Killing an animal… why not, just eat it when ur done, i recomend fish or phesent or miby duck or something.

  9. Anonymous
    August 14th, 2010 at 08:29 | #9

    you ppl talking about killing an animal, they don’t mean doing it for nothing. you ever fish and eat it for dinner? you’ve accomplished that one. gone hunting and eaten the meat of the animal you hunted? done. they don’t mean punt puppies, stab kittens. the pet thing has some important words: terminally ill. if it’s going to die anyway, put it out of it’s misery

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