10 Things Women Don’t Want to Hear in Bed
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He says: “Who’s your daddy?”
It’s creepy, cliché, and instantly makes us think of our dear old dads, which is obviously a total turnoff. Plus, when we’re getting it on we want to be treated as your dirty partner in crime, not a newbie.
He says: “What now, you’re crying?”
Maybe it’s because we love you, maybe it’s because we’ve never had a better orgasm in our life, whatever. Doesn’t matter what our tears mean, just be considerate.
He says: “Whoops, looks like I just put my man butter on your girl toast.”
First of all, we’re not hanging out at your fraternity house so try to not to talk like a man-child. It’s probably going to kill the mood, but if you have to tell us that you climaxed before you’d hoped, just say it straight up.
He says: “Um, I think your Aunt Flo is in town.”
Guess what? Only our Great Aunt Mildred would call it that. Be a grown-up and try not to make a big deal about it or we’ll pretend you have cooties and never have sex with you again.
He says: “Well, that was fun.”
When we sleep with you for the first time, we can’t help but wonder if we’re just another notch on your bedpost. So when you make a flippant comment, especially if it’s followed by a mad scramble for your boxer shorts, it’s sure to freak us out.
He says: “Your tummy feels so soft.”
We love it when you compliment our body, but you better be damn sure it’s a part we’re proud of before you praise it in bed. It doesn’t matter how much you adore our curves, drawing attention to something we may be insecure about sucks our libido dry.
He says: “Praise the Lord!”
The same goes for any other deity. No matter what you believe, sex is really no time to bring up religion. Unless of course we’re pretending to be a naughty Catholic schoolgirl.
He says: Another woman’s name.
This really needs no explanation, so let’s move on to how you can make it up to us. First, apologize. Then, apologize. Then, full-body massage.
He says: “Shh!”
Seriously? Either we’ve turned up the volume because we want you to know how good we feel or you’re just totally blowing our mind. You really want us to simmer down?
He says: “Do you mind if my roommate joins us?”
Hell yeah, we mind. Nothing makes our douche bag detector go off like the suggestion of an impromptu threesome. It’s not that we’re necessarily even against a ménage à trois, but we want to be damn sure we know whose playing the game before we strip down.