15 THINGS YOU SHOULDN’T DO ON FACEBÒÓK
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1. Do not abuse the Facebook status feature. It specifically says “What’s on your mind?”…not “What are you currently doing every five minutes of your life”.
2. Do not become a fan of Facebook pages that don’t apply to you. People are just going to laugh when you are joining Facebook pages such as ‘I love morning sex’ or ‘Unexpected blowjobs’ when you are still clearly a virgin.
3. Do not like your own statuses or photos otherwise I think people are going to think you’re a little bit sad. Although, that’s my opinion.
4. Do not send silly gifts on Facebook applications. Yes…we are very grateful you considered sending us a kitten or a hug…but how about sending me something in real life?
5. Do not post attention seeking statuses. This includes making up stories such as your grandmother falling down the stairs to get people to comment and like your status.
6. Do not post indirect, subliminal statuses. If you are in love with ‘him’ and ‘he’ is constantly on your mind, do us all a freaking favour and tell him for heaven’s sake! This includes b***hing about someone without writing the person’s name. We all want to know who the d**khead is thank you very much.
7. Do not, if you have Facebook on your mobile, post a photo of everything you eat during your daily adventures.
8. Do not add someone, then post “Sorry…random add!” on the wall. You clearly thought that person was nice looking…but you shouldn’t be adding people you don’t know anyway.
9. Do not have false middle names. You are not ‘James Bedrock Goldstone’ or ‘Mandy JustinBieber Riddles’.
10. Do not put an apostrophe in your name (such as ‘George Harrold’) just to appear first on your friend’s chat list.
11. Do not tag all your friends in a ‘supposedly funny’ photo you discovered on Google Images.
12. Do not have false profile pictures. It’s an insult to make us think you’re a Pokémon.
13. Do not ask people to comment or ‘like’ your photos of yourself. I refuse to explain myself with this one.
14. Do not have your relationship status set to “It’s complicated”. If your relationship is so damned complicated that you have to identify it as such on your Facebook profile, get the hell off Facebook and go fix your relationship.
15. Do not import your ‘tweets’ from Twitter. If we wanted to read your tweets…we would have Twitter accounts wouldn’t we?